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[02 Aug 2008|01:05pm] |
I hate Virginia. My family sucks. I might have just killed the dog because I unwittingly fed it a couple grapes. Nobody ever goes online.
FUCK.
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| Berlin - Day 6 |
[24 Apr 2008|07:33pm] |
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music |
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OOMPH! - Sex hat keine Macht |
] |
Everything went smoothly up until Newark (New York, according to everyone at Tegel. The Germans can't hear the difference.)
Re-entering the United States has put me in a fucking FOUL mood. Home or not, I hate this country.
Everything in Germany is efficient. At the airport, checking one's baggage and going through security was a breeze. Every employee spoke some degree of English, and they all tried to be helpful, and to move you through there as quickly as possible. Nothing was rushed, and everything was checked thoroughly.
Even before we landed, Homeland Security started fucking with us. First of all, everyone on board received customs paperwork (more for foreigners) and I watched the German passengers struggle to understand and fill it out, while we were lying about how much money we spent overseas (apparently you have to deal with even more shit if you report spending over $200).
Once we landed at Newark, things just got complicated. We had no idea where we were supposed to go, since there were no signs. There wasn't a single employee in sight to point us in the right direction, so we just stumbled around a bit until we landed in some line, where a woman examined our passports and dismissed us with a curt "Bye-bye!" (Total Bastard Airlines, anyone?). When we went through customs, I got attitude from another Homeland Security prick because I didn't hand him a declaration form. I did not have a form, because I did not receive a form, because right at the top of the fucking form, it says "One form per family," and my mother filled it out for us.
"Where do you think you're going?!"
"What? I'm with her."
"You didn't give me a form."
(At this point I walk over to the officer, snatch the form out of his hand and start pointing things out to him like I would a child.)
"It says one form per family, and I'm her daughter. Would you like to see my passport?"
"You didn't sign it."
"It doesn't say I need to sign it, but I will if you like."
"Let me see your passport.
...
Ok, I guess you can go."
Now, instead of having our luggage automatically transferred, we had to pick it up, and go through security again. While going through the standard security molestation (shoes off, electronics in the bin, coat in the bin, laptop computer in the bin, walk through the metal detector, walk through the thing that blows air at you, etc.). I was whipping this shit into bins as fast as I could, to the point where I thought I had actually damaged my laptop, when the woman there SHRIEKS at me "MOVE IT! THERE ARE PEOPLE WAITING! MOVE IT ALONG!!" And, all this trouble just to have them throw our bags through the machine completely half-assed. I could have a fucking bomb and they'd have no clue.
Now we've finally found our gate. I plugged in my computer, and I would be typing this directly into LiveJournal, but the "Free Public WiFi" which I am currently connected to doesn't actually work, so I'm pounding it out in Notepad instead. Our "global phones" worked in Germany, but they don't work here. It's 1.29 pm- another 45 minutes before we start boarding. I've been up since 5 am (11 pm last night Eastern Time). I'm tired.
Newark is hellish, I want to go back to Germany. At least people spoke English there.
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| Berlin - Day 5 |
[23 Apr 2008|09:46pm] |
Today I got up late at around 9.30. I took my sweet time with my fancy pastry breakfast and hygiene. When we finally left the room, we headed to Nikolaiviertel, which is a quarter consisting of quaint little traditional shops, custom-tailored for tourists and old people. I was bored out of my mind, but mom enjoyed it.
After leaving the quarter, we wandered around a bit until we bumped into a very interesting little tribute to Communism- statues of Marx and Engels, and monuments with images of the Communist revolution.
After exploring this area a bit, we found a tour-bus with a tour guide who spoke both English and German. This took about two hours and was very pleasant. The tour guide had a very sarcastic, dry sense of humor, which I could appreciate. We stopped for lunch and got...you guessed it- wurst. This was a sort of sausage-dog with mustard and a hunk of baguette split down the middle serving as a bun. I will seriously miss the sausage here; it's incredible. I also saw head cheese, but didn't have time to get any. That's alright though- seeing it was enough. Berlin is vegetarian hell. We ate on the bus, and at the end of the tour were dumped back at Alexanderplatz. We went back to the hotel for a rest.
The only other excursion was for dinner. We went back to the Turkish place where I finally got to eat the döner kebap, which was awesome. We also picked up some water, but I see now that it is carbonated. That's a rather German quirk- you have to be very specific about what kind of water you want. Tap water, table water, mineral water, flavored, plain, carbonated, non-carbonated, etc. etc. etc.. Tafelwasser ohne Kohlensäure is the ticket.
We leave tomorrow morning.
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| Berlin - Day 4 |
[22 Apr 2008|03:50pm] |
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music |
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Die Fantastichen Vier - Einfach sein |
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So, woke up at 8.00 with my throat feeling better. I ate my top-quality pastry breakfast, showered, and then we left.
Today we had planned our little zoo adventure, so we bought some U-Bahn tickets from the concierge, and went just outside the hotel to the main square, where there are several points at which one can access the U-Bahn. We happened to choose one which led us to the correct line, and hopped on.
This was a very smooth ride. The subway system, like everything else in Germany, is extremely efficient. First of all, the platform has a digital display which tells you which train is coming, what its destination is, and how many minutes before it will arrive. At major stops, the doors open, and stay open for only a few seconds. If there are people entering and leaving the cars, motion sensors delay closing the doors. At smaller stations, the train stops, but the doors do not open. If one would like to get on or off, however, one simply presses a button on the door, which promptly opens. After we arrived at the zoo stop, we got off.
We went up, and after a short walk, were at the zoo. The Berlin Zoo has the largest variety of animal species of any zoo in the world, and has one of the largest collections, nevermind the absurdly popular polar bear, Knut.
The zoo was wonderful. Beautiful place, beautiful animals, beautiful weather...just perfect. We did see Knut, who ended up being a dirty little sleeping bundle. I thought it was cute, but my mother was disappointed. My favorite animals were actually the buffalo, although the hippos were nice. I do love me some buffalo; skanky, hairy, lovable fuckers.
After the zoo part of the zoo, we went into the aquarium, having purchased combo-tickets. First we hit up the cafeteria, since it was lunch time. We got some vegetable wraps from a woman who didn't speak a word of English, but was happy to help us out. The wraps were good, and the cafeteria was empty most of the time except for us. Anyway, refueling out of the way, we went into the aquarium, which I actually enjoyed more than the zoo. What can I say, I love fishes. Although, the aquarium actually includes reptiles, amphibians, insects, and other varieties of sea-life besides fish. I liked the jellies the best, though I did get to pet some very social koi fish. You really just have to see the pictures, which I'll upload later.
We left the aquarium thinking that we were heading back into the zoo when in reality, we were deposited on the street, with no chance of getting back in. Having had our fill of animals though, we sought out the U-Bahn station and decided to head back. While going down into the station, two interesting things occurred. First, I had the supreme pleasure of watching a very inebriated man urinate onto a wall, and then, stumbling onto the platform, unsuccessfully attempt to zip up his pants. Second, a lost American tourist came up to us asking for directions, so of course we were happy to help her. Upon finding out that we not only spoke English, but were fellow Americans, she looked about to cry and exclaimed "God-sent angels!"
The ride back went just as smoothly as the ride there. When we got back to the platz, we went back to our room, where my mother napped, and I unsuccessfully attempted to transfer my music collection to the new Zune software. Excuse the tangent, but-
WHY THE FUCK WOULD THE NEW VERSION OF A PROGRAM CONTAIN LESS FEATURES THAN THE OLD ONE?! I CAN'T USE THIS FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT! I AM BAFFLED BY HOW UTTERLY USELESS THIS PROGRAM IS! AND, OF COURSE, IT'S THE ONLY ONE I CAN USE TO UPDATE THIS BRICK OF AN MP3 PLAYER. Now, I loved that old Zune, I really did, but the software is so utterly useless, I'm going to have to sell it. I don't know which brain-dead schmuck had the brilliant idea of a "simplified" program, but I wish rape upon them. I hope two punks jump this person in a back alley, put a hole in his/her neck, and bump dicks in the middle. Fuck you, your family, friends, offspring, and potential offspring. Cunt.
Anywho, after that we went out for dinner at a nice, traditional German place. I ordered veal sausages, pretzel with mustard, and a great Russian soup. The food was amazing, and the meal was great overall, especially since we managed to avoid looking like dorks with our new-found knowledge of German restaurant etiquette.
Went back to the Kaufhof after that, and picked up Fornika by Die Fantastichen Vier, after seeing Einfach sein on TV this morning. Good stuff. Downstairs at the Kaufhof, we bought massive amounts of chocolate and bottled water.
Back in the platz, I gave the clock a hug, and returned to the room for the night.
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| Berlin - Day 3 |
[21 Apr 2008|09:17pm] |
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music |
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Tom Waits - Bone Machine |
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This morning I got up at 8.30. My throat still felt bad, so I was naturally spiteful and enraged. I showered, and then inhaled the pastries we bought the previous night, which were delicious. There was one cherry thing which was very nice, and a butter croissant which was so-so. Then again, croissants aren't very exciting anyway.
I shouldn't have told my mother that I was blogging this, because she insists on reading it, and then complains that I was either too detailed, or too honest. Tough shit, mama.
After breakfast, we set off for the Alexa mall a short distance from the hotel. I went into a store called Media Markt (the Best Buy-ish place) which is apparently a very widespread and wildly successful chain in Europe. I bought my cousins a best-of OOMPH! album, which covers up until 2001, and Grün und Blau by Feeling B, since they are Rammstein fans. They probably won't like it, but they can suck it. For myself, I got Bone Machine by Tom Waits.
From Media Markt, we went into a massive Barnes and Noble-like bookstore, the name of which I forget. I picked up a German copy of Hamlet. I had wanted to get an original German book and not a translation, but it turns out I know nothing about German literature. I figure Hamlet will be great for practice. After that, we went into Starbucks, so that my mother could feed her coffee addiction.
At this point we left Alexa and went to the Galleria Kaufhof where I finally got Herzeleid, which was, as expected, a mantastic sexplosion. I was pleased about this experience, because the woman at the register did not prompt me to say anything except for guten Tag, so I didn't have to reveal myself as a foreigner.
A note on being of foreigner: I am not obvious. German women dress somewhat like I do, except more feminine and fashionable. A popular style which I have not adopted is skin-tight jeans with diesel boots, and scarves. Everyone dresses pretty much the same, except for groups of goths and punks. Also, unnaturally colored hair is a far more common occurrence here, and it doesn't just show up in the youth. Middle aged women with purple hair are a regular sight.
After shopping, we returned to the hotel briefly to rest. Mom had her coffee and I had a cereal bar brought from home. We then set out again, this time bound for Brandenburg Gate. This was a nice, but ridiculously long walk, and the prize at the end was not all that exciting. The gate is nice, but being in Berlin, I have grown accustomed to massive, old, beautiful structures. I am desensitized. While we were there, mom went into a tourist shop and bought tourist shit. I gave in and got a key chain.
After this, we walked back to the hotel. The pain in my legs and feet was absolutely unbearable. As soon as I got back to our room, I dropped on the bed and fell asleep for about half an hour. Following this pleasant little nap, we set off again to hunt for dinner. We found a great little traditional German place, where I got schnitzel and beer. Hellz yeah. It was good stuff, but the restaurant experience was slightly awkward.
Here is what I've learned about German restaurants: when you go in, nobody is going to come seat you. Now, an explanation for Germans: in the United States, whenever you go into a restaurant, someone always comes to meet you at the door and leads you to a table. So of course, we ended up looking like douches waiting at the door, until we realized that we would have to go and just sit our own stupid asses down. Second lesson about German restaurants: if you want the bill, ask for it. It's not like the US where the server gets your bill as soon as they see that you've finished. Here, they don't assume you are done until you clearly express this to them, and so if you do not ask for your bill, it ain't comin'.
We decided to do the pastry route again, and picked up some frosted raisin things for tomorrow. I had a successful exchange with the woman there, and managed to keep it 100% Deutsch.
I really have a huge heart-on for the German language. I wish I knew more, and could really communicate with people here, since not everyone speaks English. Alas, I am not quite good enough yet. Someday!
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| Berlin - Day 2 |
[20 Apr 2008|10:00pm] |
Ok, so today has restored my love for Germany.
I woke up at about 9am feeling shitty with a sore throat (it feels a bit better now, so hopefully it will go away tomorrow rather than get worse), but much refreshed and far more energetic than yesterday. I washed up and got dressed, and we went downstairs for breakfast. I ordered assorted cereals, milk, and fresh fruit from a waiter who spoke incomprehensible English. This is a problem with a lot of Germans I find, because they try to cover up their inadequacy and anxiety with the language by speaking as quickly as possible, which only makes it worse. I've found it's actually easier to try communicating in English, because when I use German, they assume I understand and will often launch into a speech. I then have to break it to them that I don't understand, and the moment turns awkward. Conversing with the Turkish is relatively simple, because often their German is quite poor, and their English nonexistent, so we end up just sticking to the very basics of German.
After breakfast, we walked down toward the Berliner Dom, and went into the DDR Museum, which was excellent. The exhibits were all very informative, interesting, and bilingual, but it definitely required a bit of background knowledge of the DDR to fully grasp, and it was a lot smaller than I had imagined. I was pleased about finally getting to see a Trabant and a Pioneer scarf. I neglected to buy a Die Phudys album they had there, which was silly, but I shall hopefully remedy that that tomorrow.
When we got outside, we landed in the line for a boat-tour, so we got on that, which was about an hour long. The tour guide spoke German, but I couldn't follow at all. It was quite chilly and windy, but the sights were beautiful, and it was an excellent showcase of both traditional, and modern, industrial, German architecture.
With our land-legs back, we walked around until we stumbled upon a pretzel vendor. Pretzel in hand, we continued walking until my mother, like a moth to flame, was drawn to a kitsch tourist shop. Like every single other tourist shop in the city, it sold an assortment of magnets, keychains, shot glasses, beer steins, and the ever-present, utterly ridiculous bits of the Berlin Wall. Yes, you can buy chunks of the Berlin Wall, although I have my doubts that these are even authentic. Who's to say that they didn't just pour a slab of concrete, spray paint it, beat it up a bit, and then smash it into little chunks to sell to tourist bitches? Anyway, mom bought some crap as gifts, and wanted to drop it off at the hotel before continuing our little Abenteuer.
Back at the hotel, something beautiful happened. I flicked on the tv as we sat down to relax a bit and warm up, and what was on? None other than Amundsen der Pinguin! I sqealed like a pig heading for the slaughter. It was awesome.
After some time for recuperation, we set off again towards Museuminsel to check out the Altes Nationalgalerie. On the way, I discovered that mom has a fetish for tiny cars, and insisted on photographing each and every one we encountered. It was slightly ridiculous.
The Altes Nationalgalerie was- like everything else to do with Berlin- utterly enormous. Three floors of paintings, with the main attraction being the French impressionists Manet, Monet, Degas and Toulouse-Lautrec. We breezed through the first floor, and handled the second quite nicely, but by the third, we were dying. We half-assed that one and booked it out of there.
On the way back from the museum, I found a very large Queens of the Stone Age poster wheat-pasted onto some surface along the street, advertising a QOTSA/Eagles of Death Metal/Masters of Reality show in June. What a pity- they were in Germany before we went, then they left, and after we return, they will go back to Germany. That, plus the fact that they have not played the East Coast AT ALL is absurd and unfortunate. This experience was followed by a stop at a stand run by a Turk, selling DDR-memorabilia. I dropped 50 euros on a rabbit-fur cap with an East German sickle-and-hammer insignia. To wrap up the day, we bought some pastries for breakfast tomorrow morning, and some wurst for dinner. It was a Turkish place, and a ginormous Turk was busy grinding away at a kebab slab. I should have gotten the kebab, but I'd had my heart set on the currywurst, so I went with that instead. Perhaps we'll go back and get it some other time.
Back at the hotel, we chowed down, and bought three hours of internet, to take care of some e-mail and research.
And now, it is time to explore some weird German habits. First, Germans bring dogs everywhere. There are dogs on the streets and in shops. Leashes are optional, and more often than not, the dog will simply trot alongside its owner. Another odd attribute is that Germans seem to have no concept of personal space. You can be walking alone on a sidewalk, and sure and shit, some German will come up behind you in a near-pineappling, and probably bump into you. The problem is even worse when they have a stroller full of Kinder. There seems to be no concern about tripping a stranger with your stroller, and having them fall on top of your Kinder. Then again, you can always make more. Maybe the Krauts have the right idea. Anyway, I was a little annoyed at being clipped in the heels by strollers. It's worth documenting more as a cultural difference than a complaint.
Tomorrow we're probably going to shop some more, and then walk to Brandenburg Gate. We were planning on doing that today, but everything is closed except for restaurants and tourist shops.
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| Berlin - Day 1 |
[19 Apr 2008|08:00pm] |
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music |
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Rammstein - Mutter |
] |
So, I am in Berlin. Unfortunately I can't really instant message anyone or attend to most of my online affairs, because at my hotel, you have to buy your internet time- 8 Euro for an hour, 10 for three, and 18 for a full day.
First day in Berlin was shitty. Here's the story:
I fell asleep at midnight Thursday night, and woke up at 7am Friday morning. I packed, and we left the house at 10.30, making a stop at Dunkin Donuts on the way to Bradley International Airport in Connecticut. We dropped off the car at a valet parking service, and went to the airport, where we waited around for two hours before getting molested by security and boarding the plane. Overall, Bradley was clean, quiet, and it was a pleasant wait.
The plane was a tiny, claustrophobic express jet which took us to Newark in New Jersey (my mother describes Newark as "America's asshole"). Newark was crowded as fuck and pretty grimy, so it was tons of fun waiting around there for another two hours.
The plane we boarded in Newark would take us nonstop to Berlin. It was only slightly larger, and slightly less claustrophobic than its predecessor, which made for an extremely uncomfortable 8-hour flight, complete with some incredible visuals, and about four hours of very rough turbulence (at least I got to see a flight attendant take a shitter into a row of people). The novelty of having every announcement read in both English and German quickly wore off as the constant repetition cut into sleep time. I probably only got about an hour's worth of sleep, which was cut into 15-minute chunks. I read a lot of Brave New World, and listened to a lot of Mutter, which seemed fitting.
After we landed in Berlin, we muscled through the crowded, skanky Tegel Airport. We got our bags, hailed a cab, and 20 Euros later, were standing at the entrance to the massive Park Inn at Alexanderplatz, getting a good look at the massive Fernsehturm along the way. We found out that check-in would not start until 2pm, and at this time, it was only about 10am (4am eastern time). They offered to look after our bags until then, and suggested that we go sightseeing.
Ughghghghghgghg.
Our sightseeing consisted of dragging ourselves around in 40-degree, windy weather like zombies. At this point we could no longer form coherent thoughts, appreciate the sights, or walk without stumbling. We found the Weltzeituhr, but I was honestly so exhausted, I didn't even care. I could not decipher any of the German we encountered, and we ended up just sitting on a bench in the mall for an hour or so. I found Herzeleid, which was on my list of things to buy, but I decided to wait, because I didn't want to have to interact with anyone.
Around 1pm (7am Massachusetts time- it has now been a full 24-hours without any real sleep), we dragged our asses back to the hotel (nearly in tears we were so miserable), and after being attacked in the lobby by a Bosnian refugee begging for money, we found that we could check in. The second we got into the room we dropped down and slept for two hours.
It's a fucking CLASSY room, by the way.
Much refreshed, we unpacked and got to know our room, and relaxed for a few hours. At around 6, it was agreed that it was time to hunt for food, and since eating at a German McDonald's was on the Berlin to-do list, we figured we'd get that out of the way. There's a huge mall a short distance from the hotel (Alexa- it's almost a city in itself). We found a McDonald's there, and pigged out.
Ein Big Mac, ein M, und zwei kleine Coca-Colas, bitte.
I also found an enormous electronics/media store á la Best Buy, and purchased Wahrheit oder Pflicht by OOMPH!, and Die Mensch-maschine by Kraftwerk, which were two other items on my list of things to buy.
Anywho, we are back in the room now, washing our filthy selves, and then probably going to sleep. I don't know how to feel about Berlin yet. It was not the mind-blowing experience I was expecting. So far, all I have accomplished is seeing a couple sights, buying a few things, and learning that I do not know NEARLY as much German as I thought I did.
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